By Cyndee Sapiano-Cummings • Okanagan Foster Parents Association
I thought it was a sales call. After three days of persistent calls from the same number, I had reached my limit and needed the calls to stop.
To my surprise, when I picked up the phone, the man on the other end did not want to sell me anything. Whew!
The man identified himself as John and inquired about my mother, Shirley. He claimed that he had found her phone number online and had been attempting to reach her. I couldn’t help but feel a surge of curiosity. What could this man possibly want? As I probed him further for more information, it suddenly struck me who was on the other end of the line. I could hardly contain my excitement when I realized I was speaking to the one and only John Crawford.
While living in San Francisco in the 1960s, my parents were foster parents before starting their own family. John (among others) was my foster brother. He was 16 years old when I was born and lived with us for over five years until he aged out of care. It wasn’t long after this that my family came to Canada.
Although I don’t remember much about John, I grew up hearing all about him. As a child, I can distinctly remember asking Mom questions about him when she was in the kitchen making dinner. In my mind, he was like a part of the family, even though he was never present in our home. Mom had always described John as a homebody, quiet, compliant, and gentle. I was told he spent most of his time, while not in school, at Mom’s side or playing with me.
John was the long-lost brother I had heard about all of my life.
The day he called was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. There was an instant connection between us, a bond I can’t quite describe. In the following months, John and I spent hours getting re-acquainted, catching up, and reminiscing about the past. John shared stories about our old home and the neighbourhood. He could even remember many of the neighbours who lived on our street. He shared stories about my parents and their peculiar quirks (Like singing, “Good morning, good morning, how are you this morning?” Mom did this every morning as she opened the drapes.) This was just one of the memories John and I shared. Meeting John again after 40-something years opened up a whole new world to me.
Foster Parents come from all walks of life, backgrounds, and belief systems. They’re ordinary people who choose to open their hearts and homes, providing vital safety, security and stability to children accustomed to chaos and uncertainty. They are people who step in to protect and advocate for the vulnerable and those not given a voice. Caring for kids who have lived through abuse, neglect, abandonment, and other forms of trauma is a role few dare to step into. It’s a delicate task and a difficult journey to navigate. But those with the skill and determination to undertake the challenge stand as a testament to the victory that love, compassion, and perseverance can have over the pain of the past.
Foster parents are true warriors—champions, defenders, and advocates. They continually find themselves engaged in battles, numerous battles
in fact, on behalf of the young individuals they have committed to.
They contend relentlessly to empower these children to heal and
thrive while they are in their care. They strive to give these children
the best possible life.
Foster Parents Contend for Trust and Attachment.
The profound and intricate role of foster parents in fostering trust and attachment is a testament to their immense dedication. When a child is welcomed into their home, foster parents embark on a mission to create a nurturing and secure environment, a place where the child feels not just safe but truly cherished. This involves more than just meeting the child’s physical needs; it’s about providing a stable emotional foundation. Through their unwavering love and care, foster parents become the architects of trust and healthy attachments, laying crucial groundwork for the child’s overall well-being and development.
Foster Parents Contend for the Healing of Trauma and Sound Mental Health.
Foster parents play a crucial role in providing stability and support to children who have experienced trauma. They navigate the complexities of trauma recovery, advocate for the well-being of the children in their care, and work towards promoting sound mental health. Foster parents undergo specialized training to understand and address the unique needs of these children. Their efforts create a foundation on which children can heal, thrive, and regain hope for the future.
Foster Parents Contend to Build a Positive Relationship with the Child’s Family.
Caregivers prioritize building a positive, respectful relationship with the child’s family, demonstrating an understanding of the child’s need for connection to their roots and history. Fostering a positive relationship with the child’s family can contribute to a smoother transition if and when the child reunites with their birth family, alleviating the child’s emotional adjustment and minimizing the sense of loss or disconnection during the transition process. The journey, however, can present challenges as birth parents may experience feelings of resentment towards the caregivers and struggle to cooperate. In the face of these difficulties, foster parents maintain open-mindedness, non-judgmental attitudes, and utmost compassion towards the child’s family.
Foster Parents Contend Alongside Other Professionals.
Fostering involves joining forces with medical specialists, therapists, and countless other professionals in the helping field. This collaboration of dedicated individuals provides the essential support that children in care require. The relationship between caregivers and social workers is paramount to all others. Social workers, serving as the child’s legal guardians, take the lead on visitation schedules and make pivotal decisions affecting the child’s welfare. By cultivating a harmonious and cohesive bond with the social workers assigned to them, a caregiver can offer the best advocacy and support for the child in their care.
Foster Parents Contend Alongside Teachers and the School System.
Foster parents are warriors both at home and in the school environment. They fiercely advocate for their child’s educational needs, recognizing it as absolutely vital. Despite the challenges, they stand unwavering, actively participating in discussions and ensuring that children receive the crucial support they require, whether it’s an educational assistant, special accommodations, or assistance with attendance. Every meeting attended, every behaviour meticulously documented, and every connection fostered with school personnel is a testament to their unwavering dedication.
Foster Parents Contend within an Imperfect System.
While every system has its imperfections, the guidelines, procedures, and tools guiding child protection work can be improved. Foster parents consistently navigate through a complex landscape of bureaucracy, policies, and red tape, as they fulfill their vital responsibilities. Nonetheless, caregivers persevere. They forge ahead, confronting daily challenges to eliminate the barriers and injustices, all while defending the rights of the children in their care. Their determination ensures that the children’s best interests are always the priority. This profound dedication reinforces the truth that ‘every child truly does matter’.
My long-distance reunion with John provided a glimpse into the past. He offered me family stories I was too young to remember and details of my childhood that I had long forgotten. But most of all, John showed me the beauty that can emerge in a child’s life through even the smallest gestures of love. Of all his stories, one moment was so deeply entrenched within his mind that he described it as vividly as a movie scene. He recalled how my mom, our mom, was the first person to buy him a sweater. On what was probably a mundane shopping trip for her, Mom offered a gesture of love so meaningful that it stuck with John for over 40 years. It was a simple sweater to her, but to him, it was a woollen declaration of his value. It was a statement that he belonged in our family and held a rightful place within our home.
Foster parents are true warriors, bravely battling on multiple fronts and confronting heartache. Yet, their impact extends far beyond mere fighting—they are the catalysts for life-changing transformations. Even the smallest acts of kindness form the bedrock for a brighter future for traumatized children. These caregivers give so much and ask for so little in return. They never waver, offering safety, stability, and boundless compassion (along with a few cozy sweaters!) to those who need it the most.
The sad fact is that Foster Parents will always be needed. Currently, over 4,000 young people are in care in British Columbia. While the reality can seem bleak, there is always hope. There will always be an opportunity to make a difference and change a child’s life. How about you? Are you a warrior? Would you like to make an everlasting change in a young person’s life?
As the Central Okanagan Foster Parent Coordinator, I am continually inspired by the incredible dedication of our Foster Parents. It is an absolute honour to stand beside these courageous and selfless individuals who pour their hearts into supporting the vulnerable children in our community. I am filled with admiration and profound pride to be a part of this exceptional community of people. If you or someone you know would like more information on Fostering, please contact me at 250-470-8991 or coksupport@okfosterparents.ca. Copyright, Cyndee Sapiano-Cummings. May 2024.