By Mercedes Korngut • Small Bits of Happiness
Teenagers. A word that might bring forth feelings and thoughts of stress, growing pains, and mood swings. As a teen myself I know firsthand that
as much as we need to find ourselves, you as parents are so important in guiding us, as well as showing us your love and support. It is true that as teens it may be difficult to connect with us, but below I share my top tips on how you, as a parent, can build your bond with your teenager.
Show Interest in Their Interests
Teen years are pivotal as we are discovering our interests, values, goals, and opinions. Be an active part of that discovery! In creating a connection, ask your teen how you can participate in their interests. Together, listen to a podcast on the subject and discuss it, do a pottery class, watch a tennis match or hockey game, or play a video game. Through engaging in activities that your teen wants to try, you can build your bond by sharing this part of their self-discovery with them. As you take some time out of your day to pursue what your teen enjoys, you encourage and validate their journey of self-exploration and interest!
Create Time to do Things Together
Most families have busy schedules. When you’re unable to actively participate in the interests of your teen, still find time to create a connection. Here is a list of some of my favourite time-friendly activities to do as a teenager with our mom or dad:
1. Go for a walk or a bike ride,
2. Go to a golf range,
3. Play basketball outside,
4. Attend a yoga class,
5. Make dinner together or bake a dessert,
6. Follow an online crafts tutorial and make a craft together,
7. Read a few chapters of your teen’s book of choice and discuss the events (like a mini book club),
8. Play a round or two of your teen’s favourite video game,
9. Try your best at your teen’s sport of choice,
10. Volunteer together! Feel good as you help others and spend time together! Volunteer at an animal shelter, or another organization that you feel passionate about helping.
Shared Meals
This is a simple, yet impactful way to build a bond. Mealtimes are an opportunity to reconnect and relax over a delicious plate of food. Whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, or dessert, make time (at least a few times a week) to eat with your teen. In fact, a Harvard study has established that meals free of distraction (meaning with no phones, sports games, or TVs in the background), lead to higher levels of satisfaction and lower levels of stress. According to this study, these benefits are especially associated with conversation around the table. Below are some of my favourite conversation starters for family meals. These are wonderful for the entire family because as parents you will learn more about your teen, and in turn, your teen will be able to learn more about you. What is one exciting thing that happened today? What are you looking forward to this week? What brought you a small bit of happiness today – it doesn’t have to be major! What has been your biggest obstacle today and how can we help you solve it?
By encouraging a positive conversation with your teen, you encourage them to shift their mindset towards a positive trajectory. Rather than constantly worrying about the hardships of teenagehood, you motivate and help your teen focus on the good moments of the day. Furthermore, you also open lines of communication, making it easier for your teen to share stressors with you down the road.
Active Listening
This brings me to my fourth tip for building parent-teen connection, active listening. When your teen brings up a concern, something that went well, or something new that they’ve tried, simply listen. Let them feel safe and confident for confiding in you, and avoid jumping in with your own story of how things were when you were young. Active listening is the act of listening just to listen and understand what is being shared, rather than listening to respond immediately. Active listening promotes trust, helps you better understand where your teen is coming from, and allows you to formulate a better, more holistic response after they have finished sharing their thoughts and feelings. A quick tip for active listening is to make eye contact and not be distracted by a phone or other device.
On a personal note, as a 17-year-old who has struggled with my happiness, I’ve become extremely close with my mom. She’s my best friend and my number one supporter. We’ve built the habit of connecting daily and finding more happiness through an activity box that my sister and I designed. Our company, Small Bits of Happiness is on a mission to help individuals of all ages find more happiness daily and build parent-teen connections.
So, if you want to further your bond with your teen, check out our Mission: Small Bits of Happiness activity box, filled with 100 unique, simple, and fun activities to do daily and build happy habits and connections. See our website at www.smallbitsofhappiness.com for this activity along with more hacks and advice.
Mercedes Korngut is the co-founder and CEO of the company, Small Bits of Happiness. She has been featured on national news and media, spoken at schools and conventions across North America, co-hosts the podcast Hack Your Happiness, and has designed a series of happiness-wellness products for tweens, teens, adults and schools.