by Jen Scott, Program Manager • Bridge Youth and Family Services
When most of us picture life with a new baby, we imagine smiling parents, warm snuggles, and that instant feeling of love everyone talks about. For some families, it really does feel that way. But for many parents, the arrival of their baby can also bring worry, sadness, anxiety, and a feeling that something just isn’t right.
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety (PPD/A) is more common than people think, but many mothers experiencing symptoms feel like they are the only one. Becoming a parent is one of the biggest changes a person can experience. It affects your body, your sleep, your relationships, your routine, and even how you see yourself. Sometimes the adjustment is harder than we expected, but that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. We often say that with every baby born, a new version of the parent is born right along with them. Adjusting to the new reality, however, can take time.
In Canada, research tells us that approximately 1 in 4 women will experience symptoms of PPD/A after having a baby …AND fathers can struggle too. Many new parents feel increased stress, anxiety, or have very low mood during the first couple years. When we talk to new parents about this, they often say the same thing, “I thought I was the only one feeling this way”.
For some families, there are other factors that might impact their postpartum experience and make this sensitive time even harder such as not living near family, increased cost of living, a difficult pregnancy, a history of mental health challenges, or just not having enough support can all make the early months feel overwhelming.
When new parents learn just how common PPD/A is, they are often really surprised. Most people assume based on what they see or hear on social media or other media platforms that everyone else is just fine and that something is wrong with them because they are having a hard time. The truth is that MANY parents feel this way, they just don’t always talk about it.
During pregnancy, most parents will hear about the temporary mood swings, anxiety and sadness that affects 50% – 80% of new mothers during the first 2 weeks after birth. These feelings, called the ‘baby blues,’ can be explained by hormonal shifts and the adjustment to the new little human who has suddenly taken over your life. But when these feelings last beyond the first couple of weeks, things can start to feel more confusing and isolating.
Mothers who experience symptoms beyond those baby blues might notice that the feelings last longer and are there most of the time. They may feel numb, disconnected, or not themselves. Things they used to enjoy may not feel the same anymore. Simple tasks can be overwhelming, and minor decisions can feel impossible. Some mothers feel the infamous ‘MOM GUILT’ for not feeling happy, and like they are failing as a mother.
Not everyone struggling after having a baby looks sad. PPD/A can also feel like being on edge all the time. Parents might find themselves worrying constantly, even when nothing obvious is wrong. They may feel tense, irritable, or unable to relax. Some parents say they cannot sleep even when their baby is sleeping because their mind will not slow down.
This is also the time when many parents start ‘shoulding’ all over themselves. As parents, we tell ourselves we should be happier, should be coping better, should be grateful every minute, or should be able to do this without help. Meanwhile new parents are running on no sleep, reheating the same coffee three times, and wondering why this feels so hard.
When real life does not match those expectations, it can make the normal adjustment to new parenthood even harder.
The good news is that PPD/A is very treatable and the right kind of support can make a big difference. One helpful way to support parents during this time is the NESTS model of self-care. NESTS stands for Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep and rest, Time for yourself, and Support.
Nutrition is often the first thing to fall apart when you have a newborn. Parents are tired, busy, and eating whatever is quick. Regular meals really do help with mood and energy, even if it does not feel like it at the time.
Exercise does not mean going to the gym or running a marathon. It can be as simple as a short walk, gentle stretching at home, or getting outside in nature. Gentle movement helps reduce stress and can help mothers sleep better.
Sleep is one of the hardest parts of having a baby, and lack of sleep makes everything feel worse. Even small chances to rest can help. Taking turns with a partner, letting someone else hold the baby, or resting when the baby sleeps can make a difference. People love to say “sleep when the baby sleeps,” which is often easier said than done, but rest in any form still counts.
Time for yourself often disappears after a baby arrives, but even a few minutes to shower, sit quietly, or have a few moments when nobody needs anything from you can help reset the mind. Sometimes self-care looks less like what most people think is a real break and more like that viral video of the mom hiding in the pantry eating a Twizzlers just to get a minute alone.
The last part of NESTS, and often the most important, is support. People were never meant to raise babies alone. Talking with other parents, asking for help, or just hearing someone say “me too” can take a huge weight off. Reaching out does not mean you are failing. It means you are taking care of yourself and your family.
Postpartum mental health does not affect just one person. It affects the whole family. When a mother is struggling, bonding with the baby can feel harder. That does not mean they don’t love their child. It means they are tired, overwhelmed, and stressed in ways that make it hard to feel like themselves.
When parents get the support they need, family life often feels calmer. Communication improves, stress goes down, and parents feel more like a team. Children benefit from feeling safe, connected, and cared for.
Community support matters too. When families have places where they feel welcome and not judged, they are more likely to ask for help early instead of waiting until things feel unbearable.
Many parents try to handle PPD/A on their own. They think they ‘should’ be able to manage, or they don’t know where to get help. When symptoms go untreated, they can last longer and become more serious. Parents may feel more overwhelmed, more disconnected, or more hopeless. In some cases, depression can lead to thoughts of harming yourself or feeling like your family would be better off without you. These are signs that professional support is needed right away.
If you think you might be experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, connect with your primary care provider, public health nurse, midwife, or another trusted health professional. They can help you get connected to the right support or referral.
No family should have to do this alone!
In the Okanagan, there are community programs that support families during pregnancy and the early years. These programs give parents a chance to connect with others, learn about their child’s development, talk honestly about challenges, and find support without judgment.
At Bridge Youth and Family Services, families can access a range of prenatal, early years, and parent support programs designed to help parents feel less alone and more confident. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply being in a room with other parents who understand.
When parents feel supported, children thrive, families grow stronger, and our whole community benefits. Every family deserves that kind of support.
Jen Scott is a Program Manager with Bridge Youth and Family Services in the Central Okanagan, where she supports prenatal, parent, and early years programs for families with young children. She is passionate about family well-being, community connection, photography, travel, and enjoying the outdoors in the Okanagan.